My third entry is here. (so much excitement!!)
Anyways I decided that I wouldn’t continue the
supposed to be first blog anymore, and as for my “pamalit” on that entry I come up with this one “Life @ 21”.
To start I just turned 21 last October 28 2015, it is the very first time that I didn’t celebrate it with “handa”, and with my parents, I just received a gift from my lola, and my bestfriend visited me here at my lola’s house, and we spend the whole day doing the same old things
as if its not my birthday.
I actually don’t feel anything special that day
(excused, that I cried over my lola’s present, it’s just my initial reaction.) I’m not sad and I’m not that happy either, My mind is actually digging deep thoughts that time, like: I’m 21 already what am I going to do? Am I going to stay the same or should I change? If I change, what are the things that I have to change? Do I need to act as a 21 year old girl or lady? or whatever you call it. I remembered I stayed up late that night because of those questions. I’m not 20 years old anymore, but still I don’t know how it feels to be 21, add there the fact that I didn’t really feel that I also turned 20. Inshort I don’t feel like aging, and my parents is one of the best reason why I don’t feel that I’m growing up, (it turned out bad for me), the feeling of not growing old is not a good feeling at all, I felt stuck in this life, I barely trust myself on things that I love and have to do, I’m always scared, I’m as stubborn as you are, I always try to escape but I’m ending up returning again, because of the thought that I can’t do it alone, (na-baby ata ako ng parents ko), I’m sometimes pissed off, on the thoughts of “I can’t do it” (nauuna talaga ang takot ko), I don’t know why, I’m not a pessimist type of a person maybe I’m just scared, maybe thats’ just it. Imagine I’m 21 and I’m still not yet done on my college life, at this age I was suppose to be working and living a real life, but I’m still here fixing all the mess I made in my OWN life, trying to patch things up, trying to make things right, trying to be strong, to be brave, trying to be 21 years old. I’m not blaming anything on my parents (except the “pang-bebaby” that causes so much delay on my life), I know a lot of this mess is my choice, I chose to live my life like this, I didn’t chose to live it differently (in a good way), I know its way to late for the realizations, but! I quote “ITS BETTER LATE, THAN NEVER”, I really pray for this life of mine to be on its right track from this day on, I’m looking forward on growing up, ( I just hope I can do this) and I hope I’m on my right track now.
‘I have to pour my heart in, I guess I have to.’
– end –