A Letter For…

Last month was the perfect example of an epic life.

July 14 this year I started working on a casual restaurant, time flies as if I am riding a jet plane August came and then this is were it all started.

I never imagined myself being on a situation that I hate the most, I’m not good at handling a chaotic kind of whatever you call it world?  because I know what my weakness is.

I hate that I know what I deserve but let myself settle for less, because of I don’t know what to do. I was dumbfounded with the idea of me falling in love, because I rarely put myself on the situation, I don’t have a lot of experience though I have seen with my bare eyes how love really works, how love moves in mysterious ways, how love has it’s own different definition and how chaotic love can be.

(Iba pala talaga, iba kapag ikaw na yung nasa sitwasyon, iba kapag ikaw na yung nakakaramdam.)

Before I decided to put myself here, I knew that I will risk my fragile heart, but still I set it on fire. He looks so perfect to me that I never hesitate to give it a try, at first I thought that this is not serious, but then I started to feel something strange and beautiful, he’s starting to get into my system, I’m starting to feel the unusual feelings, the feeling of being in love(as they say it.) I denied it first to myself but later on accepted the fact that I really am into him, I’m not my old self anymore, I let my emotions and feelings run everything about this thing they called LOVE, I know that things between us happens very fast, I can admit that I skipped the pakipot/pabebe part, but it doesn’t bother me at all, (ayokong pagsisihan yung mga desisyong nagpasaya naman sa akin kahit sandali lang.) 

He ended everything even before the end of the month. It’s just a span of three weeks (I guess) but it feels like it’s been almost a year for me, everything was treasured and well kept on my mind and my heart, I don’t regret my everyday with him, eventhough that time it seems that I don’t exist, I know it’s crazy that I treasured every pain and sacrifices, but like what I always say to myself “I’m lucky that he came into my life” .

on why I write this update? Wala lang! HAHAHA 😀 dejoke.pampalubag loob ko to yung mga hindi ko masabi at ma-express isinusulat ko, writing is my best outlet. 🙂


To you,

Alam kong napakalabo na mabasa mo to at makarating to sayo,pero isusulat ko pa din, yung mga hindi ko masabi ng personal, kasi nga kapag kaharap na kita nawawalan na ako ng lakas na magsalita.

Yung kung gaano kasakit yung mga nangyare palagay ko hindi mo alam, kung gaano ako naapektuhan hindi mo alam, kung paanong nagbago yung mundo ko hindi mo alam, hindi mo na rin siya malalaman wala naman din akong balak sabihin pa sayo yun. Oo nandun nako sa hindi naman matagal yun, pero yung nararamdaman ko walang makakaintindi nun, kasi kahit ako hindi ko maintindihan, kung paanong sa ganon kaiksing panahon, nakuha kong mahalin ka ng sobra, hindi ko alam lahat, basta naramdaman ko na lang, hindi nga ikaw yun e, hindi ikaw yung mga tipo ko, malayo ka sa standards ko pero hindi nga talaga siguro matuturuan ang puso, yung mabibigla ka na lang sa mararamdaman mo yung tipong hindi ka na-orient na maiinlove ka sa taong to, mga ganon.

Kahit isinasampal na sa akin yung katotohanan na hindi ka deserving sa kaya kong ibigay sayo, may sariling utak ata ang puso ko para ipilit na ikaw pa rin talaga yung taong dapat kong paglaanan non.

Sa totoo lang ngayon na nakikipagbalikan ka, hindi ako sigurado e, hindi ako sigurado sa dahilan ng pagbalik mo,dahil ba masyado mo lang nakikita na mahal kita? naawa ka ba? para ba sa sarili mo yung desisyon mo? o sa pagkakataon na to kaya mo na ba? kaya mo na bang mahalin din ako? magiging totoo na ba lahat ngayon? mas masasaktan ba ako o hindi? Ang dami pa niyang mga tanong na yan na alam kong hindi masasagot dahil takot akong itanong, baka mas masakit yung magiging sagot.

Mahal na mahal kita sa paraang si God lang ang makakaintindi, lahat ng masasakit ngayon, sinasalo ko na lang ng mga smile na kayang kaya ko naman ilagay sa mga labi ko. Malakas akong tao alam ko yun pero sabi nga nila makakahanap ako ng katapat ko, kaya kahit paulit ulit mang isampal sa akin na hindi ka deserving, palagay ko ikaw na nga yun, ikaw na yung katapat na hindi ko inaasahang dadating ng mas maaga pa kesa sa panahon na inaasahan ko.

Salamat sa lahat ha. I Love You ALWAYS. ♥

 

-END-

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s