On Talking About It

Hey! It’s been 17 days since I last posted an update, I’m up to something very intricate lately that is why I wasn’t able to put up even a quick update, I have a messy mind and I don’t want to just blurt out all those thoughts for it wasn’t a good idea at all. Actually now is the time that I should write about it, not to just let everyone know how things were lately, but to actually help me to let go of what was in here (heart and mind) for a long time.

Everything that happened to me lately is a good example of Hey! I’m gonna ruin my own life thing. I am so sad and hurt that I couldn’t cry anymore, I’m in between shouting it all out at the top of my lungs and holding it here inside, I’m close to crying but tears just don’t want to fall, I’m close to telling everyone that I’m in pain but words just don’t want to go out, I’m dying inside but I have to put that smile and show everyone that “I’m okay” , I’m close into turning to someone I’m not just to try to help myself out.

I told my best friend that I don’t want to talk about this, not to be alone or to add a lot more of pain, but to actually solve it out my own. I was likeĀ  I put myself in this situation so I better fix it alone, I don’t want to hear any advices anymore because I guess no one can actually help me figure things out, because they just knew the situation but they’re not on it. I know some of them give advices through life experiences and is a good advice too but for me I guess fixing things all by myself will make me more comfortable. I know that most of the time I ruined my own decisions but sometimes my mind wins over my heart and for this situation,- though I know that there is a big possibility that my heart may control everything- I can say that my mind can manage to fix things out. I have so much pains in me today that I don’t think my heart will function enough to fight, I have a lot of what if’s and if only’s today and I’m wishing for this to be gone.

I didn’t elaborate every detail of what I am into now, because it’s not essential to spill out, the fact that I had this chance to express a bit of what I got on my mind is enough to lessen every heavy feelings. I’m tired of thinking about it so I write it down here because I know it’s a big help.

About LOVE ? – I can say that this is really the most powerful thing in this world, it can make you happy and sad at the same time, It can change your life in a blink of an eye and you wouldn’t be prepared for it, you wouldn’t know when things were going to happen, it will happen to you in your most unexpected time and you won’t be able to control it. -Dyn



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