Not learning a lesson

I just felt that I needed to write this up it’s not good to not let it out. I was staring blankly at something or staring somewhere, deep enough that I was able to dig my thoughts up, and felt the itch on my fingertips, and find myself pulling up wordpress and typing it here.…

Road Trip

bilib ako sa talento mo sa pagsulat, mas naiinspire ako sayo 🙂

Walang Pamagat

Another poem. 🙂 I’m back on writing again. Welcome back to meeeee!!!

Back at One

almost done but now I’m ……

Holy Week 2016

So long update

A Day with Him

I said I need a peaceful place to vent out, but it turned out that being with him is peaceful enough.

BEST Among the REST

So where am I gonna start? Hindi ko alam nakakaloka ka! HAHAHA 😀

Here it goes…

Hi everyone I want you to meet the very BEST among the REST.

ESTRAISAND BRIZ BORITO

Oh My God! I don’t know how to start this one.

Okay first I was supposed to made this one as a graduation gift for you, because I might not have something for you that day, second i’m writing it today because I feel like you need it? I mean, I feel like you need something that’ll cheer you up, and it turns out that this one might (will actually) help you (I guess/I knew), and lastly (honestly) I really can’t wait to put up this one. I hope you’ll enjoy reading it, and i want you to cry while reading it (sadista best friend here!).

A DAUGHTER and AN ATE

Well I describe you as a loving,understanding,sweet,caring,thoughtful,generous,patient,responsible,dedicated and brave daughter/ate.

LOVING bakit loving daughter/ate? Kasi ganito yun, lahat naman ata ng anak/kapatid mapagmahal sa pamilya, pero ikaw iba eh, iba yung pagmamahal na kayang mong ibigay sa family mo, yung pagiging mapagmahal mong anak at kapatid yung dahilan kung bakit ka nagiging UNDERSTANDING sa lahat ng sitwasyon ng buhay niyo ng pamilya mo. Growing up without having your papa by your side is really one of the hardest shit ever, but yet you still chose to just let things be, because you understand that he needs to be gone for a while for you and your siblings, and now for almost a year your mama is also doing the same thing your papa is doing now kasi kailangan (mahirap ang magpa-college ng tatlo), and yet there you are trying to be capable of doing things na hindi mo ‘pa’ naman dapat ginagawa.

SWEET daughter/ate, uy best! hindi mo man alam pero sweet ka napakasweet mong anak/ate, sinasabi mo lang na hindi dahil sabi mo mas sweet ako sa parents ko at kay chie, pero you have a different way of showing it to them, and that is when you’re being CARING (kapag kailangan mong maglaba for them esp. para sa mama mo kasi alam mong sobra na ang pagod niya sa trabaho) ,THOUGHTFUL (kapag naalala mong kailangan mong umuwi ng maaga kapag nakatambay ka sa bahay namin dahil magsasaing ka pa or kaya magpapatubig or magluluto ng ulam.), GENEROUS (kapag may pa-pizza ka dahil may sobra kang pera), PATIENT (kapag naiirita ka na kay mama mo sa dami ng utos, kapag nabubwisit ka na kay cloyd dahil ang tamad niyang tao, at kapag pikon ka na sa pang-aasar ni lance sayo),

Lemme insert this picture here

RESPONSIBLE (tulad na lang ngayon you’re only 20 pero mas matured ka pa sa akin, sabi mo ang dami mo pang hindi alam pero ang totoo sobrang dami mo ng alam best! Wala ang mama at papa mo sa tabi niyo, at kinakaya mong pasanin yung responsibilty na ipinahawak sandali ng parents mo sayo.), DEDICATED (sa pagiging masipag na ate at sa pagiging masipag mo mag-aral, lahat ng ginagawa mo sinasamahan mo ng puso.) and higit sa lahat ‘pinakapaborito kong trait mo’ a very BRAVE person. (Sabi mo mahina ka? uyy! hindi kaya, kung mahina ka hindi mo kayang maging loving,understanding,sweet,caring,thoughtful,generous,patient,responsible and dedicated na anak at ate. Always! always remember na walang taong mahina iniisip lang natin yun. Saludo ako sa tapang na meron ka para harapin lahat ng maliit o malaking bagay o problema sa pamilya mo) “you’re not as weak as you thought you are”.

AS A COMPANY

Well nakakahiya man aminin (bestfriend mo ako for Almost 8? if i’m not mistaken long years) pero hindi ko alam kung paano ka with your other companies, kasi siguro dahil yun sa kapag kasama mo ako, ako lang talaga bwenas ng mahalo si chie sa atin.

But I guess you’re a good one kasi kapag nakikita ko naman kay chie hindi ka naman weirdo, at hindi ka din naman bad so baka ganon na din sa iba. 😀

and Lastly …..

A BESTFRIEND

Who would have thought?

After all the things in the past that made us thought of this: “sobrang sure ako na hindi kami magiging close”. 

This happened: ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

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Having you as a bestfriend is actually a gift, i’m not a friendly person so I might say na I only have few ones (I choose only those whom I thought na kayang magstay sa ugali na meron ako). Having you as a buddy (review,kain,selfie,gala,exercise and all) I never thought that I am going to have a complete package from one person, ikaw na ang meron ng lahat lahat ng kailangan ko sa tao, negative or positive man yan (dahil halos 8yrs. na din naman) tanggap na tanggap ko na, yung pagiging mahina at malakas mo sa lahat ng bagay (lalo sa pagkain. LOL!) tanggap ko na din yan, LAHAT LAHAT na nga diba?

With you I can be 99.9% of myself (yung 1% balato mo na sa kaemohan ko yun).

I write something and I titled it “IKAW at AKO

here it is..

“IKAW at AKO”

I

Ikaw yung malditang bata nung elementary na walang sawa kung ako’y awayin,

Ikaw yung mataba na batang hindi ko kasundo noon pa man,

Ikaw yung kaaway ko dahil kampi ka sa kung sino man,

at

ikaw yung isa sa nakakainis na parte ng mga araw ko sa elementarya.

II

Ikaw yung akala ko magiging close ko na nung first year highschool,

ikaw din ay naging girlfriend ni ‘M’,

ikaw yung inakala kong magtatanggol sa akin,

at

ikaw din ang isa sa mga nakakainis na parte ng unang taon ko sa sekondarya.

III

Ikaw yung hindi ko inaakalang unang papansin sa akin,

ikaw yung hindi ko inaakalang makakagaanan ko ng loob,

ikaw yung hindi ko inaakalang magiging malapit na kaibigan ko,

at

ikaw ang isa sa nagbigay ng kulay sa noon ay madilim kong mundo.

IV

Ikaw yung hindi ko hiningi,

pero binigay niya.

Ikaw yung hindi ko inaasahan na maging parte ng buhay ko,

pero heto at kasama kita.

Ikaw yung inasahan kong hindi mananatili,

pero andito ka ng walong taon na,

At higit sa lahat,

ikaw yung meron ako na wala ang iba,

dahil nag-iisa ka.

AT

Ako?

Ako lang naman ang pinakamapalad,

dahil sa dinami-dami ng pwede niyang pagbigyan sayo,

ako ang napili niya.

-geraldine

I do found forever in you best, hindi man tayo lagi mag-kausap o nagkikita (siguro yan ng ang pinaka-trials ng friendship natin) I’m very very sure na hindi ka na mapapalitan sa buhay ko, oo may dumadating pero sa lahat ng dumating ikaw lang yung nanatili, ikaw yung nagtityagang umunawa sa lahat ng meron ako (maganda man o hindi), lagi mong iniitindi kung ano ang kaya ko lang ibigay at hindi ka humuhingi ng kahit anong kapalit sa lahat ng mga bagay na ginawa mo para sa akin.

I may not be as good as people thought I were, you’re there to make me feel that I am though you know I’m not, I may have failed to (sometimes) help you in things, but you never failed to understand, I may have flaws, but you never hesitate to embrace them whole heartedly, I may be selfish and self-centered (most of the time) but still you’re there waiting for that attitude to fade. If you thought that you’re alone because tito and tita is not around, always remember that “I’m only one call away, and superman got nothing on me.” (char!) I’m always here, forever here, and I’m always really willing to face things with you no matter what it is.

I know God has a lot in store for this friendship, but I’m willing to stand as firm as I have to for this to last, I’m lucky that (though I don’t think I deserve it) I am blessed with a best friend like you,I really wouldn’t ask for more or for someone new because you’re already there. I am very thankful and greatful that I have you, I really am.

I love you to infinity and beyond dear best friend. ♥♥♥♥ :*

(not yet done dear)

“You may have all that unwanted things a person would hate to another person, I still won’t hate you.”

“Tumaba ka man ng bonggang-bonggang-bonggang-bongga, andito pa din ako sasamahan pa kitang maghanap ng iba pang makakainan”

“You might get tired of laughing, I’m here to cry with you.”

“Pumangit ka man, andito ako para sabihin yun sayo. :D”

“And Lastly, Whatever it is that God has in store for you, I am here to let you know that “YOU ARE WORTH IT”.

PS: yung tula na ginawa ko on the spot yan uyy 🙂 wala natuwa lang ako, tumatalino ako kapag naiinspired ako (nakakainspired ka eh) hahaha 😀

PPS: Sana kapag binasa mo to nasa harap mo ako para ma-video ko habang umiiyak ka. LOL

PPPS: Napakaswerte ng future FAMILY mo sayo whoever they are.

PPPPS: Goodluck sa graduation tiwala lang makaka-graduate ka ngayon 🙂

PPPPPS: LAST NA ITO UYYYY! SABI SAYO KAKABUGIN KO YUNG SAYO EH (CHAR!) MASAYA KA? HAHAHA IYAK PA UYY!! TATAWAG NA YAN O KAYA MAGTTWEET O KAYA MAGTETEXT HALA SIYA IYAK PA 😛

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS YOU REALLY ARE THE VERY BEST AMONG THE REST. ♥♥♥

yours truly,

GERALDINE DELA CRUZ GRAFIL

(bestfriend♥)

Feelings!

So what’s up with me for the past few weeks?

Really nothing, I’ve been doing such senseless things, and i’m wanting to quit the school stuffs,because it sucks,i’m not happy and I don’t want it anymore, but guess what I’m still here doing all of this stuff for the sake of that fucking diploma! I’m only 2 years away from wearing that “Black Toga” yet, I don’t find it exciting and all, I don’t feel like it’s worth it, I just feel that it is needed,(needed to be worn). I keep on asking myself What’s next? What will happen 2 years from now? Will I be doing this same old stuffs or will I be doing the different one? I don’t know! I really don’t know.

I remember when I first enter college, I always knew what will happened next, I always knew where to go or where to stand. I have plans, I have wants (senseful wants), I have dreams to catch and goals to finish, but after being on this ‘BIG WAVES’ (as I call it) that ruined everything in my life, everything changes. Before, I go to school because I love to do it, I’ve been wanting to do it, but now I go to school because  I have to. Before, I have this plans,dreams, and goals to reach, but now I don’t have anything in mind, but just this words: “Finish that fucking school stuffs, so you don’t have to go to school anymore”. I don’t get plans, I don’t catch dreams and I don’t set goal because, I just don’t know what to plan anymore, I’m tired of dreaming, and I can’t see any goals to set.

Yes, I know I ruined my future, I ruined not just mine but my family’s also,but what can I do? I don’t find things worth fighting anymore, having you’re heart broken for a hundred times, it’s not easy (broken in a way of life not about boys). It’s very hard to stand up and fight, i’m tired and i’m quitting already, YES! I’m only 21, but i’m quitting already, YES! you’re right I’m not a fighter definetely not a dreamer anymore. I am really nothing, nothing but a disappointment to the family, nothing but a bad ass daughter.

So I’m done, I’m done asking questions like: What will happen next? What to do or where to stand or do I deserve this or don’t I?

I don’t want to think about anything about life. I don’t want to plan anymore, I don’t want to dream and I don’t want to set goals, I’m just going to let it be, let my life be whatever it wanted to be.

I know I’m being selfish with my decisions and I know God’s been crying for my choices, he’s crying because I don’t trust him enough that he can help me, I know he’s sad because I lose faith. I don’t know, I actually didn’t lose my faith in him, I lose my faith with myself. I still trust him , I just don’t trust myself anymore. It’s funny that I can say that I still have trust and faith in him, but I don’t have some for mine. Well I’m actually giving mine to his, let him be the one to take over with this life, i’ll just go with whatever he wanted to do. I won’t think of something (senseless nor senseful). I’m tired and I quit.

So this is what I’ve been this past few weeks. I’ve been wondering about all the stuffs in life, I’ve been doing mistakes over and over again i’m guilty but I don’t care, (I’m so heartless). I don’t take advises because I don’t want someone to tell me I’m wrong because I knew I am. I don’t want to commit in everything in life because, I know i’ll just quit, I don’t want anything that will make me happy, because I don’t think I deserve it, I don’t want love to come because, I don’t think I can face it, I don’t want them to know because, I don’t want them to got hurt (though I’m hurting them already). I don’t want to fight because, I know that i’ll be quitting real soon, I don’t want to dream because, I don’t know what to dream anymore, I don’t want to plan because, I know that I’m just going to ruined it, I don’t want to set a goal because, I know I won’t be able to try harder to reach for it, I just wanted to write this feelings down, so I can still manage to fake a smile, so I can fake the feelings, so I can lie with my situation, so I can be the best liar the universe will ever had, so I can be the strongest (sa paningin nila), so I can manage to look at the mirror without even cursing myself and without even planning on stabbing myself to death, and most specially so I can live to die.

How my feelings can change from bored to tired? I don’t know, maybe it’s in my way of thinking. I know I always ruined everything because I overthink a lot, but I don’t know how to control it, and I’m not planning to control it, just let it be.

And that picture above says what am I going to feel if they find out that i’m having this issues all by myself.

---

I didn’t write for a long time because I thought I can manage to not to express it, but guess what I’m flooding my twitter feeds of my thoughts and still I don’t feel the satisfaction, I don’t feel that I’m free from all my dramas and issues in life, so I decided to put up this blog update, to lessen the pain, the burden and that heavy feelings, I know writing is my outlet and this is where I am being my 100% me, no lying and no faking, just being expressive without being judge by others, and being real without being scolded.

I just really can’t believe that I have all this stuffs in mind waiting to be written in a piece of paper.

-end

ctto of the images.

 

Untold

Hidden

To The Best Ate In Town

A Message to Sissy Joan